this is not what I expected..

 Subject: Studies on the aging have found........................

A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
 
 I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
 
 I love approaching 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.
 
 A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.
 
 Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. (so true)
 
 It's weird being the same age as old people.
 
 When I was a kid I wanted to be older...this is not what I expected
 
 Chocolate is God's way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
 
 It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.
 
 Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
 
 Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember…Don't sing!
 
 I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
 
 If you can't think of a word, say, "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
 
 I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
 
 I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.
 
 I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.
 
 You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
 
 We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.
 
There are others but I can't remember them.