Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
If you can't think of a word, say, I forgot the English word for it. That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot
* I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I missed my exit.
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 8 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
I love being 84, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.
Just remember, once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
* You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
It's weird being the same age as old people.
When I was a kid I wanted to be older . . this is not what I expected.
Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter.
It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and falling leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember. . . . Don't sing!
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
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