Requested by Vet
HOPE THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR
FACE AND IN YOUR HEART. This is a tribute to a man who DID make a
difference.
ON TURNING 70
'I still chase women, but only
downhill.'
ON TURNING 80
'That's the time of your life when even
your birthday suit needs pressing.'
ON TURNING 90
'You know you're getting old when the
candles cost more than the cake.'
ON TURNING 100
'I don't feel old. In fact, I don't
feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
'I ruined my hands in the ring. The
referee kept stepping on them.'
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
'Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as
it's called at my home, 'Passover.'
ON GOLF
'Golf is my profession. Show business
is just to pay the green fees.'
ON PRESIDENTS
'I have performed for 12 presidents but
entertained only six.'
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
'When I was born, the doctor said to my
mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.'
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD
MEDAL
'I feel very humble, but I think I have
the strength of character to fight it.'
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY
'Four of us slept in the one bed. When
it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting
for the bathroom.'
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
'I would not have had anything to eat
if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'
They don't make them like this guy anymore.
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